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[Wednesday, 27th April, 2005 @ 8:24pm] |
sup fooooooooooooooools.
i have a new livejournal. if i added you, ADD ME BACK. plzkthx. if you don't wanna be added on there, lemme know and i'll take you off. no big deal.
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[Sunday, 24th April, 2005 @ 2:58pm] |
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i always fuck up. always.
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[Wednesday, 20th April, 2005 @ 8:14am] |
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music |
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cypress hill... LOLOL THX DAN |
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so i'm in a much better mood today. and leanne and i are the cool kids awake early during school vacation.
yesterday i went to boston for the day with teh terrymonster and my aunt. visited my mom's godmother, went out to eat, then walked around. man i love the north end. i told my mom's godmother that i'm going to stay with her for the whole summer and just chill in the north end. how amazing would that be?
but speaking of godmothers, i found out some stuff about my godmother yesterday. nobody ever really told us exactly why she was in the hospital. we knew she had fallen down her basement stairs and had a collapsed lung, but we found out that she had advanced stages of leukemia. i started crying, i couldn't believe it. as if it sucked already that she's gone, it just kind of makes me less susceptible to getting over it all, even after a year. i don't know, maybe it's just me not being able to let go of things easily. at least we went to the cemetery the other day. there's something about going when i go with my mom and grandmother that just makes things a little better. i guess maybe because i've been going since i was really young, for my grandfather. and i always liked helping my grandmother light the incense. haha my grandmother's leet traditions.
oh well, onto happier news. today is nick&i's two month. i honestly have faith that this will last. we're hopefully going to kimball's this morning and spending the day together. i haven't seen much of him so far this week so it'll be nice.
okay, time to go shower. i went on a bike ride this morning to the big g-stone and i'm all sweatyyyyy. anyways, hope everyones vacation is going well. heartsauce.<3
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| candy coated death lined with crystal meth |
[Monday, 18th April, 2005 @ 7:15pm] |
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music |
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cassie steele, drink me dry |
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when someone is on prozac, it's most likely best if they don't just randomly take themselves off it.
i told everyone this, but nobody listened. and now look what's happening. she's back to being completely unbearable. if i have to spend the summer like this, i will most likely go insane.
i kind of want vacation to be over right now just so i don't have to deal with this all day. i feel like a goddamn prisoner or something.
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[Thursday, 14th April, 2005 @ 8:06pm] |
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murs, rules the world |
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sometimes my boyfriend is really cute and brings me a frappe from kimball's. and sometimes he just uses that as an excuse so he can stop by my house.
i honestly don't understand how i got so lucky. &&the funny thing is, i didn't have to wait to meet someone this amazing. he's been right in front of me my entire life.
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[Tuesday, 12th April, 2005 @ 5:59pm] |
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hey bitches, ASHLEY'S BAAAAAAAACK! i missed her so effing much. except for the part about her shaving my head. cause that's not so cool.
in other news, it's nick hexum's birthday today. the man is getting OLD. but i'd still do him cause he's hot and makes good music.
ps; ash, next time you wanna go to cali i'm going to get my ass to seekonk and duct tape all your windows and doors so you can't. kthxpwnt.
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[Monday, 11th April, 2005 @ 9:37pm] |
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between the lines |
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i deleted my last entry. here's a more... somewhat civilized re-cap of today.
school was really horrible, i hated most of the day. the only part i liked was bio. dan made me the best card ever. i laughed so hard that i almost cried, it was probably one of the best things i've ever gotten for my birthday. nobody really said happy birthday during school which is absolutely fine with me. i stayed after with nick as usual, then came home. chilled with my aunt, played with zeus, then chrissy stopped by for a few. after that we went out to johnny rocket's and the burlington mall with nick. it was pretty chill, he bought me clothes and we had a good time. then we came back here and hung out for awhile then drove him home. things happened when he was here that i wasn't too thrilled about and we had our first "fight". when i got back, my mom gave me my cards and a present. i didn't think i was getting anything cause they explained to me why they couldn't. so it was fine, whatever. well, they got me a blue ipod mini. so i'm extremely grateful for that. but i dunno. things just never turn out how i want them to, no matter how much i try.
whatever. maybe i'll end up deleting this by tomorrow too. who knows. what the fuck ever.
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| happy birthday chrissy&joel!!! |
[Saturday, 9th April, 2005 @ 9:00am] |
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things are turning out a lot differently than i expected with this situation. but in a good way. and i have no reason to complain.
and instead of writing some crappy entry in my livejournal that nobody will understand, i'm gonna get my ass outside because it's absolutely beautiful out.
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[Thursday, 7th April, 2005 @ 8:50pm] |
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glycerine acoustic version |
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sometimes i cry thinking about the past.
it's arguable whether or not the present is better than the past, and whether the future will even turn out remotely the way i'd like it to. but what i do know is that my past shaped me into the person i am today and i'm thankful for it. i just wish some of the things never had to happen. i just wish my mom didn't feel like crying when she thinks about it. i wish i didn't cry either. i wish my mom and dad truly loved each other and didn't force their feelings to keep alive something that never really was alive in the first place. i wish my godmother was still alive to see me today.
i could make an even longer list of the things i want and wish for, but i won't. thinking about them isn't going to make them come true. there are just some things in life that you can't wish into being. you can't make things appear when you want them. if we had that power, the world would be more worse off than it already is.
i don't like when he comes home and acts as if nothing ever happened. as if our lives are perfect. as if he's perfect.
sometimes i just lay awake at night, wondering if maybe that day i should have said something different. or not said anything at all. just conducted my life in a completely different way.
i overanalyze things a lot. but you know what? it's better than not thinking about them at all.
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[Monday, 4th April, 2005 @ 5:50pm] |
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garbage, queer |
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no more braces for me. will post pictures tomorrow.
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[Sunday, 3rd April, 2005 @ 10:01am] |
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a future... what's that?
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[Thursday, 31st March, 2005 @ 4:48pm] |
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war all the time |
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my aunt leaves for florida tomorrow morning and i kind of don't know what to do with myself.
things have been good for the most part lately, but i'm afraid that i'm letting it slip away. i'm pretty much failing geometry because i've become so apathetic. that's exactly what i've wanted for so long now. to become this apathetic. and now that i'm finally at that stage, it's migrated into my schoolwork as well. so now i'm all into that, 'i'm going to be a failure and end up at middlesex or umass lowell' mindset. be stuck in westford for the rest of my life because i'm a big fat failure who can't handle anything. these feelings aren't even me. a lot of you met me in middle school when i had my depression and shit. but everyday now i remind myself that that wasn't me. that's not who i am. so why am i getting these feelings of failure again? all i have to say is;;; what the fuck, brain? stop being a faghat and get back on track. i think that's why i don't want my aunt to be gone. even if it's just for a week.
okay i'm done. will probably delete in an hour or something. peace kids.
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[Monday, 28th March, 2005 @ 5:23pm] |
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music |
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garbage, cherry lips |
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ashley left today and i already miss her. withdrawal x982345798345.
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| haha i fucking love andrew |
[Friday, 25th March, 2005 @ 11:39pm] |
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if i was a rich girrrrrrrrrrrl |
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"Express triggers the subconscious of gay men in a very sneaky way."
"so i told her that i'm taking my little cousin to the mall with me and she was like, how little? i was like, shit. she's not much younger than you."
chillin with my favorite cousin then two movies with the boy. what a dayyyyyyy.
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[Thursday, 24th March, 2005 @ 4:50pm] |
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"the most important thing is to keep moving, that way they might never catch up to you... i'm gonna hafta pack up and be on the move too, pretty soon."
"where you going?"
"nowhere, you wanna come? we can be back this way in about a month."
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[Thursday, 17th March, 2005 @ 5:50pm] |
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i just don't give a shit right now. really. at all.
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[Tuesday, 15th March, 2005 @ 5:30pm] |
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i like snowball fights with my best friend. and i also like 94's on english tests.
today was a good day.
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